Takin' it Back to the Old School: Chicken and Dumplings

First off, apologies to my loyal cornstarchers (apparently there are some of you, even if you never comment or subscribe) for the brief hiatus. As it turns out your favourite cornstarch obsessed chef passed the bar and has been in a bit of a tizzy leading up to and since doing so. Now, on to today's edition of our biweekly feature, Takin' it Back to the Old School. Today we feature one of the very first foods any decent southern / Kentucky gal learns to make - Chicken and Dumplings.

Once upon a time I was a wee young lass enjoying my first meal at Cracker Barrel. There, I quickly learned that dumplings were akin to mana from heaven. However, my mother quickly explained to me that Cracker Barrel dumplings were not, in fact, mana from heaven. On the contrary, she explained, they were kinda slick, flat and lackluster. Real mana from heaven, said Momma, didn't come from the Cracker Barrel; it came only in the form of fluffy, puffy, home cooked, made from scratch, Mamaw style dumplings. Sadly, Momma confessed, she did not know how to conjure this particular form of heavenly mana. Thus I took up the task of learning the fine art of puffy, fluffy, dumpling shaped mana conjuring.

My first attempt resulted in biscuits floating in broth. My second attempt yeilded something closely resembling Cracker Barrel dumplings. I went with this for a long while because I couldn't manage to conjure anything better and it still made me feel accomplished and like a real deal southern woman that I could make Cracker Barrel style dumplings. But then, one day, I decied to revamp and try again. The rest, as they say, is history. Bells rang, glitter flowed through the kitchen, a chorus of angels appeared at the dining room table. I had done it. I had made a gianormus, nomalicious pot of perfect, fluffy, yumtastic dumplings. And because I am a charitable person, I shall now share with you the secret to conjuring fluffy, nomtastic, fabalicious, dumpling-shaped mana from heaven.

Old School Chicken and Dumplings; or Fluffy, Carby, Mana from Heaven

1 chicken (or assorted pieces of chicken, e.g. 5-6 chicken breasts)
1 stock pot full of water
3 normal sized cans of chicken broth
1 family sized can of cream of chicken soup
6 cups of white flour
3 Tbsp. baking powder
1 Tbsp. salt
12 tbsp. soft margarine or butter (i.e. 1.5 sticks)
3 cups of milk (or more)

First, put the chicken in the stock pot. Cover with water. Boil for a long time. Like 2 hours. Or longer. Whatever. It doesn't really matter, as long as the chicken isn't raw anymore. And it can even be raw if you like Salmonella poisoning.

Now, remove the chicken from the pot. Use a fork to pull all the meat off the chicken bones. Put meat back into the pot of greasy water. Put bones in a ziploc to save for use in a voodoo ritual. Dump the broth and cream of chicken soup into the pot of chicken and greasy water. Return the pot to the stove and put it on simmer.

While that does its thang, dump flour, baking powder and salt into a BF bowl. Cut butter into little bits. Add to the floury mess in the bowl. Use a knife or fork to cut the butter into the floury mess. This takes a long time and is tedious, but you can do it. I have faith in you. And only if you do will you get to experience the chiming bells, glitter rain and chorus of angels. So really, buckle down and do it. And then, when you think you're done, wash your hands, dry them off, stick them in the flour mess and feel around to make sure there are no big clumps of butter. If there aren't feel free to reward yourself by booking a massage, spa day or the services of a professional escort before moving on to the next step. If there are, call yourself a slacker and get back to work.

Once you're clump free add in the milk. Use your hands to glop the flour and milk together until it looks like a dough ball. If it's crumbly add more milk. If its too gooey and has the texture of mucous, add more flour. If it's just right, pick up your doughball and approach your stockpot. Start pinching off little narbles of dough. Drop them in the stockpot.

Don't wig out about what size of narble to pinch off. There is no perfect dough narble size, it all depends on how big you want your dumplings. I probably would not recommend baseball sized dumplings, nor m&m sized dumplings, but really it's all in what floats your boat.

Once you've dropped all the dough in the pot, poke it with a spoon a bit to make sure all the doughy bits are at least wet with broth. Cover, simmer for about a half hour. In about a half hour you should see the chorus of angels and glitter rain. But even if you don't your dumplings are still probably done, so take them off the stove, ladle them into bowls and serve to family and friends. Sit back and enjoy all the awesome compliments you get.

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