Beef Stir Fry with Sweet Chili Bourbon Sauce

Eat me! 

Here's a thing I made up last week that is really tasty. See I was all "Hmm, I got this stir fry beef in my CSA. I should probably make a stir fry." But then I thought about it for a while and I was all "Yeah, but you know what? Stir fries can be kinda boring, so I don't think I want to do that." But then I felt guilty about having this delicious meat and trying to ignore it, so I was all "Self, this is your chance. You can create a non-bland stir fry and save that poor sack of meat from sitting unloved in your freezer. It will be delicious and amazing and you'll be a hero among men." So that's what I did. And I am a hero now. It's a pretty sweet gig.

Beef Stir Fry with Sweet Chili Bourbon Sauce

Ingredients
For the stir fry:
2 tablespoons sesame oil
2 pounds stir fry beef (that's like little chunks of sirloin. You could just get a steak and chop it up. But do not, and I mean this, DO NOT, get beef stew meat. That'll be all tough and your teeth will hurt from trying to eat it. Don't do it)
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon salt
⅛ teaspoon pepper
⅓ cup each, chopped fresh sugar snap peas, bell pepper, broccoli, and baby carrots
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 little can of water chestnuts

For the sauce:
¼ cup bourbon
¼ cup brown sugar
1 cup sweet chili sauce
1 tablespoon 5 Spice Powder
1 tablespoon Aji-Mirin
2 tablespoons Orange juice

Other stuff:
zest of half an orange
Hot cooked rice or noodles (technically optional, but who really just wants to eat a bowl of saucy meat and veggies? Bring on the carbs, clowns)

Instructions

First, get out your wok and heat it up. If you don't have a wok... well that's just a sad thing and you should probably try to organize yourself a sham wedding just so you can register for a wok. But anyway, heat up a wok (or a skillet) and add some sesame oil. Get it all nice and hot and popping so it burns you when you add the meat and veggies.


While that's heating up, get your meat ready for its debut, by sticking it in a ziploc bag flour, salt and pepper. Shake it like an epileptic at a rave until meat is evenly coated with the flour mixture.

Add the beef  to your oily popping wok  and cook for about 5 minutes. Now throw in all the vegetables and the garlic. Cook it until stuff starts to get tender, but hasn't yet gotten soggy, about 7-10 minutes.

In the meantime, combine the sauce ingredients. Once the vegetables are done add the sauce to the wok. Bring the sauce to a boil and cook until it begins to thicken, about 5 minutes.

Remove skillet from heat. Dump the deliciousness over rice or noodles and top with orange zest. Put in your mouth. Smile.

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Bacon!!! I'd get it myself but I don't have thumbs!

The other day my friend Caroline and I were at dinner eating something that was not bacon and somehow, following a deep philosophical conversation about sexting, we ended up talking about the delicacy of bacon. We discussed the importance of thick cut over thin; the proper fat to meat ratio; whether it should be peppered or sugar cured; and then we moved on to all the crazy things people are making with bacon these days - bacon soap, bacon mouthwash, bacon gum, those crazy bacon cinnamon toast crunch cupcakes we saw on pinterest. And then we thought, "Bacon and cinnamon and sweets, now that's a great idea. Someone should do a bacon snickerdoodle."

So after Caroline and I parted ways, that's exactly what I did. I came up with a bacon snickerdoodle. But not just any snickerdoodle, oh no. See I pondered this thing for two days. And in so doing, I thought to myself, "You know what would be better than cookie with sugar and meat? A cookie with sugar and meat and booze!" Thus, the end result:

Bourbon Bacon Snickerdoodles


Ingredients
1/2 pound brown sugar cured bacon (cooked and chopped somewhat finely)
1/4 cup cold bacon grease
1/4 cup butter (room temp)
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 Tbs bourbon barrel aged vanilla extract (I guess you could use regular vanilla, but it'd be kinda lame)
1 3/4 cups flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 Tbs + 1 tsp milk
1 Tbs bourbon
1/4 cup brown sugar + 1 TBS Cinnamon

Instructions
First, preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Then, beat the butter, bacon grease and sugar together until it is a fluffy, gooey, diabetes-heart attack ambrosia.  Now, throw in the egg, bourbon, and vanilla, so that it is a fluffy, gooey, alcoholic-salmonella-diabetes-heart attack ambrosia. Do not eat.

Stir in flour, baking powder and salt. Mix until just combined then add milk and mix for another 5-10 seconds. Throw in about half of the chopped up bacon bits. Shape into one big ball. Refrigerate for about 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, take the rest of the bacon bits, sugar, and cinnamon and toss them into  food processor. Whirl it around until everything gets to about the consistency of sand. Dump it out on a cutting board.

Roll dough into little balls. Then roll that doughball in the bacon-cinnamon-sugar mixture you just dumped on a cutting board. Place it on a cookie sheet. Now, before you put them in the oven, pretend those little doughballs are your favorite frenemy and vigorously smash the little bastards flat (Not only is this is a good way to let out some pent up aggression, but it also keeps your cookies from baking up into big round tumors that will just crumble apart. Both are important).  Bake for 8-10 minutes. Eat.

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